Sometimes up is the only way to go..
I give up.
Just to think about spendng my days without you breaks my heart and I almost can’t breathe, and I hate it, but there is no better choice. I’m in a thousand tiny pieces and it’s only getting worse for me with time… The time they say is supposed to heal. The time and space I’m supposed to need..
I think it’s time that maybe I should stop and think a little bit ’bout what it’s costing me to be here.. My sanity is hanging by a thread and I am barely holding on and I cant take it….
To make matters worse I have apparently alienated the one friend I’ve managed to hang onto through it all.
I am so angry at everything and everyone that it’s suffocating me..
I am so very alone….
I am so very broken….
I’m getting divorced.
There’s no apologizing. There’s no going back. There’s no question anymore about who’s wrong or who’s right or who made the biggest mistake.
It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t look at me and see the woman he married, and I can’t fix that for him. He doesn’t love me and I don’t like him and it can’t make it better anymore.
Hell, the longer it stays this way, the less I want to make it better.
The last few months have really shown me who he is and I am floored by how far off I’ve always been. Maybe this is how he treats a stranger. Maybe this is how he treats an enemy or somebody he doesn’t like.. I don’t know.
But this isn’t how he’s ever trearted me. Something changed some years ago and it was like he just suddenly became somebody else.
But now I know…
My Husband has a Girlfriend in the very literal sense.. She’s 32 and she’s beautiful and she lives less than a quarter mile from my new place.
I hate everything.
I think maybe I should be dying.. that my entire existence could be lost in the morning, and I’ve got no clue how to fix it. Things are.. not right somehow. I can’t quite put my finger on it but it’s something… My whole world feels like an Alfred Hitchcock movie..