See that?

….Do you see it?

That’s the man I married nearly ten totally-worth-it-years ago.. isn’t He fabulous? This is probably my favorite picture of all that I have of Him.. There aren’t many, really, that capture His light like this one does. It was always right there in the smile He usually wore just for me..

He turned 41 a couple of weeks ago. He probably went out and got tossed with His friends (or something just as equally out of character), I don’t know.. I wasn’t invited.

Nobody made him a chocolate cake.

No one brought presents but me.

I still have to wonder if he had a decent day..

But He’s a stranger… A stranger I am really and truly not jumping up and down to get to know any better..not lately anyway.. I’d never even dreamed that He would become such an ass in His old age..

He is.

I mean, if I hadn’t been standing just beyond the lens of this picture, I would almost swear to Jesus He’d been practicing..

Haven’s day

It’s Kelli day. Today marks 36 years since I lost my twin, and it’ll always be Kelli day for me..

But…

THIS Kelli day will be special.. As I try and find the words for how amazing it will be, the world around me is preparing for the birth of our first grand baby, Miss Haven Austyn Howell.

It’s like the world has been holding its breath while we all wait to meet her, and I look forward to seeing how very blessed we will be just to love her.

So while it will still be Kelli day next year and the year after, today will now be little Haven’s day as well. What a blessing..

Maybe we will smile instead of cry.. ❤️

Whispers in the Night

I think that God is talking to me. I can hear Him whispering.. I just can’t make out what He’s saying though I’ve tried.

I keep thinking back over what’s happened; the sickness, the fire, the past couple years – it’s all crazy and grossly unclear.. and I’ve had these moments where I’ve felt so alone, but I see it now – He’s been right here..

And now this..

What’s He telling me?

I must be missing something pretty damn big for Him to riddle me with bullets like He’s been. I don’t know what to think about the way things are here anymore, but I don’t like it and I’d like to go home now.

It’s like no matter how much or how hard I can try, nothing ever works out anymore. Things can be better than ever and still there’s a hitch to it all..

What did I do? Am I being punished for something? ‘Cause I just do not understand… I mean, everything seemed so damn perfect but now it’s all gone..

My whole life is gone…

Blessed are the poor in spirit:

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they that mourn:

for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek:

for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness:

for they shall be filled.

Blessed are the merciful:

for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart:

for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers:

for they shall be called the children of God.

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake:

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

matthew 5:3-10 – jesus