Okay soooo.. maybe I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole and somehow lost what little grip I once had on reality.. Everything sucks, and I can’t seem to make things better no matter what I do.
And I’ve tried.
Nothing’s gone as planned in so damn long I’ve about given up. I’ve been trying to pull myself out of the funk I’ve buried myself in, but I’m in over my head and I’m starting to suffocate. I’ve been choking for a while now, really, I just couldn’t see the forest through the trees.. There’s a small part of me that really can’t help being grateful to have been so happy for so long, but the rest of me still wishes that I’d seen it coming..
It wouldn’t have changed things, really, but maybe I’d be hurting less now. I mean, what in God’s name is freaking wrong with everybody? For serious? Just thinking about it leaves a bad taste in my mouth..
Yes. It’s that bad.
I want my daughter back. I want my friend back. I want my husband back. And I want them all RIGHT NOW. More than all that though, I want myself.
Somewhere in the midst of all the bullshit and the rubble, it would seem that I’ve run off and lost my way. And while it kills me to admit it, I don’t know that I can find my way back home. At this point I’m not even sure I want to.. find my way, I mean. Still, home’s not a safe place for me now anyway, and I can’t believe how bad some of it hurts..
I could probably name a new ocean for all the damn tears I’ve shed this past year..
I think Im gonna need a bigger boat..