Today, like so many other days, I spent a few too many moments thinking of you. Wondering instead of asking if you and I were on the same page. I do that a lot, you know. Too much, I imagine..
But hey, it is what it is.
I guess after having had so much time left on my own with my thoughts I’ve just stopped talking when I’m feeling insecure.. I’m surprised sometimes at how long it took me to get to this point, but I’m here now.
And so I write.
Maybe a month ago I stood here in my kitchen with one of our girls; we were talking about a boy and how he made her feel. I told my daughter that one of the biggest mistakes she could possibly make was to allow herself to be half-loved. Especially by herself. . I told her, and I meant it, that she already knew.. that in her heart of hearts the answer would be there.
I reckon I ought to actually take my own advice now and again. Not that I honestly believe it will matter in the long run.. I am nearing the conclusion that I’m simply not worth more than I’ve been given. Maybe as people, we’re given predetermined life-blessings (or something?) and I used mine all up in younger years…
Aside from the moments that torment me now, I have always been blessed with a happiness that came from my own self somehow… if that makes any sense. I didn’t really need anyone or anything else to make the sun rise every day.. it was within me.
I wish I knew where it went..
Well, I think I’m gonna have to leave these thoughts somewhat unfinished. I can’t remember anymore where I was going with them now.. and so I’m done, just for today..
(Finished March 12, 2019)