DISCLAIMER : I am going through some personal things and am needing a place to vent. These are the letters I’ve written along the way. If you have any advice about things, please feel free to keep scrolling because I’m not looking..
It’s 1:30 in the morning and I just can’t sleep. You wrapped your warmth around me and passed out cold about two hours ago and I just laid there with you for the longest time – until you actually moved away from me on your own..
I have so much to say that I can’t seem to get out and it’s choking me all the time nowadays. I can’t breathe.
I can’t believe you’re actually leaving with things the way they are between us. We’ve been struggling for so long now that it’s almost like we’re drowning in uncertainty, and before you go I feel like I should find what words I can so that you’ll at least know them..
I love you.
I love you more, I think, than you could possibly know. Just the thought of what’s coming tips my soul in so many ways I’m not sure I’ll make it through without your strength to hold me up.
You have been able to hurt me in places and in ways I didn’t know that I had in me anymore. You’ve made me small, like I don’t matter and I never will again.. But then you also gave me life again in many many ways. You gave me everything you had and I will always be so incredibly grateful for that.
Thank you for not giving up on me until I gave up on myself. Thank you for loving me when I was unlovable.
In so many ways I couldn’t live up to my promises. I’m sorry for letting you down and for not having it in me to be what you needed me to be. I’m sorry for so many things and moments that I don’t have the words to give you.
For a long time you made whole, and no matter where we go from here, I hope you know that.
I’m sorry for not being the woman you chose..
Always – A