Disclaimer : I don’t have much of a filter sometimes, and today will be no exception. Excuse me while I bitch for a minute.
For the greatest part, my husband is a pretty good guy. He’s tall and gorgeous and he busts his ass to take care of us all. He doesn’t often yell and he doesn’t use his fists, and he doesn’t have a clue of what he’s worth… But he’s also an asshole. Like, the kind of asshole one can only be with a whole lot of practice, and that sucks. He’s opinionated and stubborn and a bit of a hypocrite when his mood is right.
He loves me, there’s no denying that, he just loves him more; and it’s a damn good thing I knew who he was when I married him or I might get a little bit pissed about that on days like today.
I’m not pissed. Instead I’ll just resent the Hell out of him for ignoring me… and for putting himself first.. and for never being willing to compromise. But mostly, I to be real about it, I resent him for not having it in him to be the friend he promised me he would be.. because that’s who I’m looking for.
I miss my best friend and it’s not fair. If he would just tell me what the fuck the problem is.. I mean really.. I’m smart but I’m not a fucking mind reader.
To top it off, I don’t think he even realizes how bad it is. I don’t think he sees it and that makes me feel so sad for him.. That he’s never had a love so big that it can tear apart your soul – and so he doesn’t feel it fading away..
I feel it..
He used to glow when he smiled, like that buzz of excitement in him was alive.. I could literally sense him coming a mile away; and I was always the only one else the room.. until I wasn’t.
I miss that.
I miss him.
It’s not fair….