We Pray

In church, from our earliest days, we are taught to pray, and to pray about everything. For the little choices that become big decisions and the many many things that are beyond our control. For our family and friends and our
enemies, and that in prayer we are never alone. He is always listening, and even when His answer isn’t what we’d hoped to hear, it’s what we need.

These are lessons I still need to learn, or at least to be reminded of. Too often these days I find myself doing more worrying (or stressing) than praying, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe I’ve gone deaf to His answers.
Today has been one of those days where I could really use one. I’m sure
there’s a lesson here somewhere, but for the life of me I just can’t see it.

Today, for what was probably the first time ever in my years of being a parent, I was completely at a loss as to how I could help my child. It was one of the more heart shattering moments I can say I’ve been through…
Not because of myself or my own feelings or fear, but because I could see it in her. The fear, and the hope, and how totally unfair she thinks this all is….. and then finally the resignation.

The look that said, “So this is it. This is my life.”

I’m not sure I have the words to describe how very sad this makes me..
And so I was reminded. I need to pray. For the healing of her soul, because
her body will recover in its own time, and for her heart, because sometimes it can be hard to pick up all those broken pieces by yourself…

Not too long ago she told me that the greatest compliment anyone could ever give her was to say that she’s just like me. If only she knew that she is already so much more.

All my love..

Written August 2015. The morning after my daughter found out she had cancer…

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