What it is.. (and what it isn’t..)

My ex husband was an asshole. Plain and simple. He was rude and he was mean and he had a raging temper that he couldn’t control. Not at first, of course, but the signs were all there. I just couldn’t see it.. or maybe I didn’t want to. I don’t know.. But even now, ten years later, I can remember being thankful that at least I always knew what he was feeling and what to expect. I can still hear his mom saying, “Hey, are you married? Then you’d better learn how to deal with him.”

I tried. I really did. I stuck it out for a long time in ways I never will again. I almost lost myself before I found the strength to walk away. 

Lately I find myself looking around at how much things have changed since I left. How much I’ve changed.. I’m not even the same person anymore. It took me 30 years to realize I had any worth at all, and I won’t go back on that for anyone no matter how much I love them or want their attention. 

I matter. 

What I want matters. 

How I feel matters. 

If it doesn’t.. then I guess I’m not where I should be. 


I’ve been remarried for a while and now and live a different life.  My husband and I have our moments, of course, but we’re a team. A package deal. We just work..

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