Today

Today is a Sunday. A new day. A fresh start and a blue sky and another chance to be more.

What will I do with it?

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It Is Beyond Me

My life these days is beyond my control, and theres not a whole lot I can do.. My husband has left me, my phone is shut off, and I’m angry. I am angry with God for allowing my soul to be broken; it’s all so unfair.. I’m not sure if I’ve earned this much solid regret and I hate it. Hell, nowadays I pretty much hate everything. It hurts.

I mean damn, if I lived another lifetime i would still not understand what the fuck happened to the way things used to be. How does one person live through losing so much love? It seems like anyone who’s loved me, even just for a short while, finds a way to take a chunk out of my soul.

I want it back. Every peice. All the tiny blood soaked shards of what’s been left.. Is that too much for me to ask? That some small piece of me is left alone and left behind so I can heal? I honestly don’t think it is. I mean, I get that He doesn’t give us more than we can handle with Him, but I’d appreciate it if maybe He didn’t trust me quite so much..

I don’t want to be strong anymore.

I don’t want to be the one with all of the experience and all of the answers.

I don’t want to be here anymore.

I’m tired.

Over

It’s over. I’m done. I have no real desire to be here anymore. I’m so tired of all this pain and the darkness that comes with it…

It’s the darkness that has swallowed me. It’s the darkness that leads me to the nothing I’ve become. I’ve gotten lost here somehow, aimlessly searching for your light, and I’m exhausted..

Luke 8:17 (CSB) For nothing is concealed that won’t be revealed, and nothing hidden that won’t be made known and come to light.